Happy New Year!

My new year's resolution (which I never seriously make) is to post more on my blog that nobody reads. A distant second is to eat less and shit more, resulting in the most perfect and simple net loss of weight. Atkins ain't for shit, I am!

So while I'm at it, I might as well update the update and say that my dating has resulted in a profound psychological crisis. It wasn't so much the dating as it was running into someone recently. You know who I'm talking about. It's the person you like so much that you can't breathe when you're around them. Ya, so I ran into her and had a mini anxiety attack. Which is nothing compared to the full-fledged anxiety attack I had last time I ran into her in a similar situation. So I'm left wondering if A) I'll ever feel like that about anyone capable of returning the sentiment, and B) If everyone out there is in the exact same situation and struggling to find and be happy with the second greatest whatever in the world.

I've never met someone who is simultaneously a romantic idealist and happy. Everyone who is happy has in some way found themselves betraying their original intent and forgetting about it.
I'll work on that tonight, using rum and pizza as the catalysts.

New Template

I got tired of the old look with the hugeass fonts. So this is the New Look. It reminds me of limes, which are a part of the citrus family (like me).

Requisite Update

Okay, so things with girl #2 didn't work out either. t'was fun while it lasted. So now my counter has been reset and I will be out on the town all weekend looking for a new lady, be it lady luck, lady love, or maybe just a poodle named Lady.

I am, however, finding that dating as much as possible during the winter is a great way to avoid the funk I usually end up in during the november to february period, which usually includes a variety of soul crushing events such as exams (no longer), new year's eve, birthday, valentines day, etc.

I have confirmed my initial suspicion that I would be good at Dance Dance Revolution. In fact, I'm damn good at it. Makes me wonder if in another life I was a Run DMC music video dancer.

I am also noticing various omens lately and struggling to interpret them. I am not a superstitious person by any stretch, but after reading The Alchemist a couple of years ago, I started being more open to interpreting what the world is trying to say to me, other than "you need to get laid more". That one I got, loud and clear. Thanks.

The other day I was reading a book while standing on the subway right next to a door. The bookmark was one of those cheesy Indigo ones with a clever quote on it. It said, "Computers are useless, they can only give you answers, - Pablo Picasso". It's hard to describe how this happened, but when the train left St. Clair station, I felt the bookmark shift, and then, poof. It was gone. I think it fell into the space between the train and the platform, but it was as if it disappeared into thin air. I see that as an omen. Also, just before this happened, the bookmark was poking out of the book in such a way that only the words "they can only give you answers" were showing.

Girls Girls Girls

So I feel like blowing a blogload and spewing forth everything floating around in my head/life for the last while. Here it is:

I was set up with a nice girl a few weeks ago and went out with her a few times and things were going swimmingly. I convinced myself that I could date her even though there wasn't any "fire", just a kind of mutual warmth that I thought could be built on. Anyway, as last weekend approached I called her, didn't hear back, and by Saturday was fully convinced that it was over and I should move on. That night I went out and did pretty well for myself. I met a ton of people and picked up a new lady. Then on Sunday, girl #1 called me up and said she'd been busy all weekend etc and I was left thinking things were back on with her. For 48 hours I walked around thinking I was some Casanova who all of a sudden has to juggle two women at once. I was on a roll.

Then on Tuesday night I get another call from the girl and she tells me she feels that something is missing and that we shouldn't see each other again. I kind of had the same feeling of something missing but I didn't tell her as much because there was no point. The point was that I was being dumped, and even though it was no big loss, my ego still took a kick to its groin, wherever that is.

That night I went to bed early expecting to have trouble sleeping. I vastly underestimated the shittyness of what lay ahead. I had trouble sleeping, and not because I was dwelling on the girl so much as my own bruised expectations and so forth. Eventually, despite my stomach hurting from bad chicken wings, and me sweating like someone dying from the plague, I fell asleep. In my dream I was inside computer code. I was flying around between the text of some piece of code I had recently written and I was being tossed around between parts of it according to the program logic. I knew why I was stuck there being passed back and forth with no end, but I was helpless to do anything about it. Very geeky nightmare. I woke up about 3 hours later, and had some more tossing, turning, sweating, kvetching, and other *ings that made me think of calling in sick come morning.

I ended up going to work and staying there all day.

I still have plans with girl #2 on Friday, hopefully that'll get me back on my game. After discussing with friends the dumping etc, I am still left unsure which I would have preferred: Her not calling me, and me having to interpret that as rejection, or her calling me and saying it clearly, though without me asking for a clear reason (not that she could provide one anyway).

So that's that, everything is a wave. For a while I was riding the crest, and inevitably that has to balance out with a trough. I have every reason to be optimistic though, because girls seem to fall for my sincere honest guy act a lot more these days. I guess I'm getting better at it.

This picture was taken just before I had reason to make the face:

(I'm not really bitter or a curmudgeon... I just think this is a funny face)

My Latest Project - GrassIsGreener.ca

I've been making this web application based on the Google Maps API, and it's almost ready for primetime. It contains (or will contain) all of the MLS listings for the GTA in a nice searchable map.

It's an exciting project because I am creating a tool that I would really want to use and am catering it to those needs, so it's turning out really functional and handy. Much better than using the official MLS site and browsing through their incoherent search and results.

Anyway, check it out. And I mean now.

http://www.grassisgreener.ca

The Ceiling of Ambition

"How much do you love me?" Midori asked.
"Enough to melt all the tigers in the world to butter," I said.

I read that today on the subway and realized that I want what's behind those two lines of text more than anything. Does anyone really not feel that?

Love is the Chief Cause of Insomnia

Think about it.

At first, you can't sleep because you are always thinking about that special person.
Then you can't sleep because you stay up all night shagging.
After a while, you can't sleep because you've had kids and you love them and take care of them when they call out for you at all hours.
Then, they grow up, have lives, and you still can't sleep because now you stay up worrying about them.
Finally, you more or less stop worrying about them, but you still can't sleep because you love yourself and worry about your mortality.

Eventually, you die and catch up on some rest.